Have you ever thought - what if?
What if you would have chosen different way. What if you didn’t even start drinking, smoking and using drugs, what your life would have been then?
What if you would have never met someone? What if you would have never texted her or say hello? Where would you be now?
What if you would have never born?
It’s all about - “what if”.
Since the days been going on and on, I have been more afraid of myself. What can I do to myself because of all things that have happened and happens now. It is hard to move on with such pain and so many memories. People to who you used to talk everyday but now don’t talk at all. All those promises that have faded by losing someone.
I wish I could not feel anything. Turn of the feelings. The sad thing is - no one can. You have to fight and move on. Be strong for those who left you and make them regret their decision.
Maybe I was born this way. To be kinda sad. To help others, be the friendzoned guy. But you know what.. I’ve tired of it. Feels like everyone is using me because of my good heart.
I am tired of waiting for something that’s not going to happen. Finding the one who can I love for the rest of my love, all I’ve ever wished for. It’s like a curse.
Everytime I get close to someone, I get hurt. I’m not blaming others. It’s my fault aswell, but I’ve always tried to fix it. Not with success. So I am alone again and seems like forever.
Today is the day when I felt broken again. I’ve been crying almost whole day. Everything I once have wanted is someone who will love me for who I am and won’t let me go. I thought I’ve found the one, but I guess i was wrong. Yes, I loved her. I did the best I could, but it wasn’t best for her. I gave her all that I got - my heart.
You know.. You’ll always be beside me. In my heart.
I’ve wanted many things - weird ones, to be something, but one thing I’ve wanted the most is you. With you I was who I really am and I’ve never felt so happy and joyful.
Just remember that there was someone like me, who loved you and was ready to stand and fall for you.
I wish you the best in your life.